When they say having a baby changes your body, they aren't joking. What I didn't expect, though, was how it opened the floodgates of emotion. It's not that I didn't have emotions before, it's just that I was able to control them when speaking with others. That is sure history. Now when something is touching, it makes me so emotional I cry. It has to be something better than a commercial, but I'm not so great at hiding emotions -- especially when I'm talking to someone else about something touching.
I blame it all on motherhood.
Another way I've been changed by motherhood is that I now have these irrational fears. I mean, you joke about moms worrying about her family being dead on the side of the road, but now that I'm a mom I understand!
For example ... When we lived in Covington, we had a different bathroom set-up called "jack and jill" bathrooms. Basically the shower was in its own room with two doors leading out to the two different bathrooms -- the master bath and the other bathroom. I would sometimes lie in my bed at night and think about what I would do if someone broke in. See, the master bedroom to the master bath door didn't have a lock. Nor did the shower to the master bath. Nor did the bathroom to the main bathroom. However, the bathroom to the hallway did. So, I imagined someone breaking in and me sending Paul in to lock the boys' room while I ran through the bathrooms and locked the bathroom door, then shut the shower door, then shut the master bath door, then shut the bedroom door, all the while hoping one of us would have time to call 911.
Sigh. I really never had these irrational of fears before becoming a mother ...
And now that we're doing construction I have more worrying due to the big hole on the side of our house. Tyler is not afraid of the edges at all, and now there's rebar sticking up. They put little caps on, but I just imagine him falling in and being speared by some rebar. Aaaagghhhh! I didn't used to be so morbid in my thinking ... but motherhood changed my mind!
I was going to say something else about how motherhood changes our brains, but now I've forgotten what it was I was going to say. :)
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Are you announcing that you're pregnant???
Ha! I was just thinking about how tired I am and thought, "If I'm this tired I SHOULD be pregnant!!!"
I think that it must be age that has all those effects because I do most of those things now and I don't have any kids to blame for it!
If my husband forgets to tell me he is going to be late comming home from work for some reason, I will sit there thiking hi has been in an accident on the freeway and he is laying in a pool of blood in the gutter! Seriously! I even try to find a news channel on TV to see if they have it on the news so I will know what hospital to go to! Sometimes I open the window and listen to see if I hear the helicopter sounds over by the freeway!
And if he falls asleep before me I listen really carefully to his breathing (and snoreing) to see if he stops breathing so I can wake him up and tell him to breathe so he doesn't die!
And I have this bookshelf in my house that blocks the light from the patio door when I'm sitting on the sofa. I imagine that if there are bad guys or giants outside in the sky they can't see me because I'm sitting on the other side of the bookshelf. So I will be safe.
But the safest place would be to go inside the bathroom and shut the door and turn off the light because there are no windows in there for the bad guys and giants in the sky to be able to see me hiding from them.
And that whole thing about being forgetfull when or after yo are pregnant, you know from when we were in Georgia that I have been forgetfull since I was like about 20 years old! It's worse now than it was back then I think!
I can't watch any movie without crying sometime durring it! Everybody I know goes to the movies with me just to be entertained by watching me cry. I just get involved in the story and I imagine myself a part of the story so whatever would make a person in the movie cry, makes me cry. Even when the people in the movie aren't crying, if something sad, happy, or emotional happens I loose it!
So you aren't alone!
Amen Sista! I feel ya. You know that I am overly emotional anyway but pregnancy and mommy-hood has made it much worse. I remember watching one of my favorite movies with my Mom a few days after Marshall was born and we had to turn it off in the middle because I couldn't handle it! My conclusion: children are closer to the spirit and being around them helps you feel closer to the spirit too. What do you think?
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